Student Name: Bilbo
Essay Type: IELTS Opinion Essay
Rewritten Essay (with edits + explanations)
I think that doing community service is a good idea. Students can learn many things and gain experience. For example, if they help in a hospital or a school, they can see how the real world works. This is more useful than just reading books in a class.
Change: Added “a” before “good idea,” “a hospital,” and “a school.” Changed “see how real world is” to “see how the real world works.” Added “a” in “a class.” Explanation: Articles (“a,” “an,” “the”) were added or corrected to conform to English grammar rules. “See how the real world works” is a complex sentence structure, providing more clarity.
However, not all students want to do this. Some are not interested in helping others, and some need to study hard for exams. Making it compulsory can make them feel angry or tired. They will not do the work well if they don’t want to.
Change: Changed “help others” to “helping others.” Added “to” at the end of the last sentence. Explanation: “Helping” requires the gerund form as part of parallel structure, and the sentence needed an infinitive to complete the verb phrase “want to.”
Also, some people say that students should have a choice. If they do it by force, it’s not really helping from the heart. Schools should tell them why it’s good, and then they can decide.
Change: Added “a” before “choice” and changed “school” to “schools.” Explanation: Articles are necessary before countable nouns, and “schools” needs to be plural to match the subject “some schools.”
In conclusion, I agree that it is useful, but I don’t think it has to be compulsory for all students. It’s better to encourage them and make them see the value.
Change: Changed “must” to “has to” and “Better to encourage” to “It’s better to encourage.” Explanation: “Has to” is a more suitable modal verb for suggesting necessity, and “It’s” completes the sentence structure.
4. Grammar Table
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | is good idea | is a good idea | The indefinite article “a” is needed before non-specific singular countable nouns. | Frequent errors in article usage can impact the lexical resource score. |
| Modals | They will not do the work well if they don’t want. | They will not do the work well if they do not want to. | “Want to” is the correct form in this context as it completes the intended meaning. | Incorrect use of modals and phrases can lower the grammatical range score. |
| Countable/Uncountable | some are not interested in help others | some are not interested in helping others | After “interested in”, a gerund form is needed for the verb “help”. | Inappropriate verb forms can affect the coherence and cohesion score. |
| Informal Language | it’s not really helping from heart | it is not really helping from the heart | Contractions should be avoided in formal writing, and “the heart” needs a definite article. | Using informal language reduces the lexical resource score. |
| Sentence length | This is more useful than just reading books in class. | This experience is more useful than simply reading books in a classroom setting. | Increasing sentence complexity by adding detail helps improve range and sophistication. | Simple sentence structures can limit the score for grammatical range and accuracy. |
5. Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| I think that doing community service is good idea. | Engaging in community service is a beneficial idea. | This alternative uses more formal and varied vocabulary, enhancing the overall tone of the sentence. |
| students can learn many things and get experience. | students can gain valuable experience and knowledge. | Using “gain valuable experience and knowledge” is more precise and formal than “learn many things.” |
| how real world is. | how the real world operates. | This phrase is more formal and specific, improving clarity. |
| not all students want to do this. | not all students are inclined to participate. | “Inclined to participate” provides a more formal and nuanced expression. |
| Some are not interested in help others | Some are not interested in helping others | Correcting the grammatical error here enhances clarity and formality. |
| They will not do the work well if they don’t want. | They may not perform effectively if they lack interest. | This version is more precise and maintains a formal tone. |
| students should have choice. | students should have the option. | “Have the option” is more formal than “have choice.” |
| If they do it by force, it’s not really helping from heart. | If participation is forced, it may not be genuine. | This rephrasing is more concise and maintains formality. |
| School should tell them why it’s good | Schools should explain the benefits | This revision is clearer and avoids the informal “it’s good.” |
| I agree that it is useful, but I don’t think it must be compulsory for all students. | I acknowledge its usefulness; however, I believe it should not be mandatory for all students. | Using “acknowledge” and “believe” is more formal, and replacing “must be compulsory” with “should not be mandatory” is clearer. |
| Better to encourage them and make them see the value. | It is more effective to encourage students and highlight the value of service. | This phrasing is clearer and maintains a formal tone. |
6. Spelling Feedback
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| idea | idea | No correction needed. |
| hospital | hospital | No correction needed. |
| tired | tired | No correction needed. |
| heart | heart | No correction needed. |
📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 4
- Compound Sentences: 2
- Complex Sentences: 4
- Conditionals: 1
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 0
Summary: The student uses a mix of simple and complex sentences with a few compound sentences. There is some variety in sentence openers and structures. However, the essay could benefit from more complex syntactic structures or styles, such as rhetorical questions or parallelism, to enhance the argument and engage the reader.
Tip: To achieve better range and depth, try to incorporate rhetorical devices such as starting a sentence with a question or using parallel structure to make your point more emphatic and engaging.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
I think that doing community service is good idea. Students can learn many things and get experience. For example, if they help in hospital or school, they see how real world is. This is more useful than just reading books in class.
Feedback:
– The paraphrasing of the question is minimal and somewhat vague. It does mention community service, but it lacks context regarding the debate on whether it should be compulsory.
– The thesis is somewhat missing. While you state your opinion that community service is beneficial, it’s unclear whether you agree or disagree with making it compulsory.
– The introduction could be seen as generic and lacks a clear stance on the compulsory aspect of community service.
Improvement Tip: Try starting your introduction by clearly stating your position. Avoid phrases like “this essay will discuss…” — IELTS rewards clarity and directness.
Suggested Rewrite:
The integration of unpaid community service into high school programs is often debated. While it offers students practical experiences and the chance to see the impact of their work, it is argued whether such activities should be mandatory for all students. I believe that while community service has significant benefits, making it a compulsory requirement is not advisable.
📝 Practice Based on Your Essay
A. Fix the Sentences
- I think that doing community service is good idea.
- If they do it by force, it’s not really helping from heart.
- Better to encourage them and make them see the value.
B. Rewrite This Paragraph
Some are not interested in help others and some have to study hard for exams. Making it compulsory can make them feel angry or tired. They will not do the work well if they don’t want.
Instructions: Rewrite the paragraph above, focusing on improving grammar, structure, and clarity. Use Band 7.0 expectations.
C. Challenge: Spot the Mistakes
For example, if they help in hospital or school, they see how real world is. This is more useful than just reading books in class.
Instructions: Find and correct the mistakes in the sentences above.
D. Use Your Grammar Packs
Write one example sentence for each grammar issue below:
- Articles
- Verb Patterns
- Prepositions
E. Quick Self-Check
Reflect on your writing using the checklist below:
- Did I use a mix of sentence types?
- Did I avoid repeating the same words?
- Did I check for article and verb errors?
Choose one area to focus on improving for your next essay.
🙋 What’s Next?
You’ve taken an important step toward improving your IELTS writing — great work!
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Important: All feedback is created using ChatGPT for grammar and structure analysis. While this is a powerful tool for learning, it cannot accurately grade or predict official IELTS scores. For verified scores and strategies, personal lessons are strongly recommended.
Your target is Band 7.0 — keep going, and don’t stop writing!
– Jack