Feedback for Jack
Essay Type: IELTS Opinion Essay
Rewritten Essay
The comparison of standards between cities and small towns or villages has always been a topic of debate. Recently, teenagers have been choosing to live in cities rather than their home villages because of school or job opportunities. This essay will discuss several reasons behind this trend and explain why the advantages of living in a city indeed outweigh its drawbacks.
Explanation: “The comparison of standards between cities” was corrected to add the preposition “between.” “Reasons” is a countable noun, so “several” was used instead of “multiple” for natural phrasing. “Have been” is used for subject-verb agreement with “teenagers” as the subject. Articles were added or corrected where necessary for clarity.
There are several reasons to desire living in urban areas. Firstly, they offer people the opportunity to study in better schools, which cannot be found in rural areas. In the modern world, education means a great deal for people’s futures, and it is crucial to have higher education degrees for individuals to find well-paid jobs. In addition to that, city life provides people with completely different experiences than their home villages. Thanks to schools, work, or social gathering places, they get to meet a greater number of people from all around the country compared to their rural towns, which is crucial for personal development. Lastly, in cities, not only do they have a greater number of job options, but they can also earn a larger amount of money. It is well known that the job market is significantly limited in villages, and the current jobs there barely pay enough.
Explanation: Subject-verb agreement was adjusted with “offer” for the third person plural. Punctuation was corrected by adding commas for smoother flow and clarity. Articles were inserted before nouns where needed. The phrase “well known” had an article added, and “a” was added before “greater number of job options” for correct quantifier use.
The benefits of leaving villages clearly outweigh the few deficits. It is worth mentioning that people face some issues, such as being away from their extended family, encountering a more competitive and challenging job market, and substantially higher living costs when they move to cities. Advantages like learning and exploring new experiences, getting a better education that leads to a better-paid job, and having an interesting career, however, outnumber the drawbacks of this development.
Explanation: Adjustments were made to word form, such as “mentioning” instead of “to mention.” Articles were added or corrected where necessary. The phrase “higher living costs” was corrected from “expensive living cost” for countability and clarity. Subject-verb agreement with “outnumber” was ensured.
To conclude, there are various reasons for the young generation to leave their homes to live in cities, and the benefits of this movement easily outweigh its disadvantages.
Explanation: “The young generation” had an article added for specificity. The sentence was slightly restructured for clarity and conciseness, maintaining the original meaning while improving flow.
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | The comparison of standards of the cities and small town or villages | The comparison of the standards of the cities and small towns or villages | The definite article ‘the’ should be used before singular nouns to specify the standards being discussed. | Misuse of articles affects grammatical range and accuracy. |
| Quantifiers | being in a city do indeed outweigh its drawbacks | being in a city does indeed outweigh its drawbacks | The subject requires the singular form of the verb ‘does’ to agree with the singular noun phrase ‘being in a city’. | Inaccurate subject-verb agreement impacts grammatical range and accuracy. |
| Prepositions | different experiences than their home villages | different experiences from their home villages | The correct preposition is ‘from’ when stating differences. | Incorrect prepositions affect grammatical range and coherence. |
| Articles | a greater number of people from all around the country | a greater number of people from all over the country | The phrase ‘all over the country’ is a more common expression than ‘all around the country’. | Incorrect common expressions affect coherence and vocabulary range. |
| Word Form | it is very well know that | it is very well known that | The correct participle form ‘known’ must be used commonly in passive structures. | Incorrect word forms affect grammatical accuracy and precision. |
Sentence Variety Feedback
The use of sentence structures varied effectively throughout the essay, demonstrating an understanding of complex grammar and syntactic diversity. Consider alternating sentence lengths and structures slightly more to enhance rhythm and maintain reader interest.
Introduction & Thesis Feedback
The introduction effectively sets up the main argument by addressing the debate over urban and rural living standards. The thesis statement is clear, outlining the essay’s argument that urban living advantages exceed its drawbacks. Consider using more precise language to make an even stronger initial impression.
Exercises to Improve Weak Areas
Focusing on sentence variety and formal tone will help refine your writing style further. Explore exercises that challenge your use of varied sentence structures and formal vocabulary in different contexts.
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