🎓 IELTS Feedback for jack
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✅ Essay Type
🔍 Common Grammar Issues
✍️ Suggested Rewrite
✍️ Rewritten Essay
In contemporary life, individuals frequently face the dilemma of choosing between focusing on their careers or spending time with their loved ones. Some believe that developing a successful career is more critical, while others think that relationships with family and friends should take precedence. This essay will explore both perspectives before offering a personal viewpoint.
Change: In contemporary life, individuals frequently face the dilemma of choosing between focusing on their careers or spending time with their loved ones.
Explanation: Changed “modern life” to “contemporary life” and “people often face” to “individuals frequently face” to enhance vocabulary range and clarity.
On one hand, having a successful career is vital for many people. A good job provides financial stability and opportunities for a better standard of living. Individuals who work diligently and concentrate on their goals often attain success and earn respect in society. For instance, someone who devotes many hours to their work might receive a promotion or start their own business. These accomplishments can bring pride and happiness. Additionally, in a competitive world, working long hours is often necessary to reach the top.
Change: Individuals who work diligently and concentrate on their goals often attain success and earn respect in society.
Explanation: Altered “People who work hard and focus on their goals often achieve success and respect in society” to use more formal language and precise vocabulary.
On the other hand, relationships with family and friends are equally important. These individuals provide emotional support and happiness that money cannot buy. If someone is constantly working and never spends time with loved ones, they may feel lonely and stressed. For example, children may grow up without truly knowing their parents if the parents are perpetually at work. Furthermore, friendships can deteriorate if people do not make time for each other.
Change: For example, children may grow up without truly knowing their parents if the parents are perpetually at work.
Explanation: Adjusted to use “truly knowing” and “perpetually” to convey a clearer and more nuanced meaning.
In my opinion, it is essential to balance both career and personal life. While career success can enhance life in many ways, it should not come at the cost of losing close relationships. People should strive to work diligently, but also ensure they make time for their family and friends.
Change: People should strive to work diligently, but also ensure they make time for their family and friends.
Explanation: Removed redundancy and clarified expression for smooth readability.
In conclusion, both career and relationships are integral. An individual should endeavor to succeed in their professional life, but also remember to spend quality time with loved ones to achieve a happy and meaningful existence.
Change: An individual should endeavor to succeed in their professional life, but also remember to spend quality time with loved ones to achieve a happy and meaningful existence.
Explanation: Changed “A person should try to succeed in work but also remember to spend time with loved ones to have a happy and meaningful life” for a more formal tone and to state the purpose clearly.
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🔍 Common Grammar Issues
- Articles
- Subject-Verb Agreement
- Redundancy
- Vocabulary Range
- Formality
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📚 Grammar Corrections Summary
| Error Type | Original Sentence/Phrase | Corrected Version | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Vocabulary Range | modern life | contemporary life | Improved vocabulary for enhanced precision and clarity | Improves lexical resource score |
| Redundancy | people often face | individuals frequently face | Increased lexical range and clarity | Improves coherence and cohesion |
| Formality | People who work hard | Individuals who work diligently | Replaced with more formal language | Enhances grammatical range and accuracy |
| Articles | work hard and focus on their goals | work diligently and concentrate on their goals | Refined for smoother transition and formal tone | Improves lexical resource and grammar |
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