Student Name: Jack
Essay Type: IELTS Discussion Essay
Rewritten Essay
Some people argue that kids should begin school early because it Change: helps Explanation: Subject-verb agreement error corrected. Change: them learn fast and acquire more skills. Explanation: Changed “get” to “acquire” for variety and precision. They believe that younger children can adapt to Change: the school environment more easily and develop their brains when they are very young. Explanation: Added “the” for correct article usage and changed “small” to “young” for better precision. Also, if they go Change: to school early, they can finish Change: their studies sooner and find jobs faster. Explanation: Added “to” for correct preposition usage and changed “study” to “their studies” for correctness in countable/uncountable usage.
However, other people think it is not good to send children Change: to school when they are too young. Explanation: Added “to” for correct preposition usage. They believe that kids should play and enjoy their childhood before starting formal education. If children start Change: studying early, they may feel stressed and it can damage their emotions. Explanation: Changed “study” to “studying” for correct verb form and “emotion” to “emotions” for subject-verb agreement. Also, parents need to Change: be careful about children’s mental health and not only their education. Explanation: Adjusted to “be careful about” for appropriate phrasing.
In my opinion, I think children should not go to school very early. They need time to play and grow. When they become 6 or 7, then it is Change: a good time to start learning. Explanation: Added “a” for correct article usage. This way they will not feel pressure and they can focus better when they are ready.
To conclude, while starting school early has some benefits, I believe that it is better to wait until the child is older for better development and happiness. Explanation: No changes were needed in this paragraph; it meets the grammar standards expected at Band 7.0.
Grammar Table
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Subject-Verb Agreement | because it help them | because it helps them | The singular subject ‘it’ requires the singular verb form ‘helps’. | A repeated error can lower grammatical range and accuracy. |
| Informal Language | kids | children | The word ‘kids’ is informal; ‘children’ is more appropriate for formal writing. | Use of informal language reduces Task 1-2 appropriateness. |
| Articles | they go school early | they go to school early | Prepositions like ‘to’ are required here to indicate direction or place. | Incorrect use affects coherence and cohesion. |
| Articles | good time to start learning | a good time to start learning | The indefinite article ‘a’ is necessary to specify an unspecified time. | Impacts grammatical accuracy negatively. |
| Prepositions | feel stress | feel stressed | The adjective ‘stressed’ is needed here to describe the state of the children. | Affects clarity and lexical resource. |
💬 Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| “kids” | “children” | Using “children” instead of “kids” maintains a more formal tone suitable for an academic essay. |
| “go school early” | “start school early” | “Start school early” is grammatically more accurate and maintains the formal tone. |
| “finish study sooner” | “complete their education earlier” | The phrase “complete their education earlier” is more precise and formal. |
| “it can damage their emotion” | “it can adversely affect their emotional well-being” | This revision uses more appropriate terminology for discussing the potential negative impacts on mental health. |
| “take care about children’s mental health” | “consider children’s mental health” | “Consider” is a more precise term that fits better in a formal context than “take care about”. |
| “I think children should not go to school very early” | “I believe that children should begin school at an appropriate age” | This phrasing is more formal and avoids the repetition of “I think” preceding “In my opinion”. |
🔠 Spelling Corrections
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| help | helps | Subject-verb agreement error |
| go | to | Preposition correction |
| children | school | Missing word |
| start | study | Wrong word used |
| go | to | Preposition correction |
📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 4
- Compound Sentences: 3
- Complex Sentences: 4
- Conditionals: 2
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 0
Summary: The student uses a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, with occasional use of conditionals. However, there’s a lack of rhetorical or stylistic devices which could make the writing more engaging and demonstrate a higher level of language use.
Tip: Consider incorporating rhetorical questions or varying sentence openers to add depth and engagement. For example, try using questions like “But is early education truly beneficial for young minds?” to provoke thought and showcase more sophisticated writing skills.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
Some people argue that kids should begin school early because it help them learn fast and get more skills. They believe that younger children can adapt to the school environment easily and develop their brain when they are very small. Also, if they go school early, they can finish study sooner and find jobs faster.
Feedback:
– The paraphrasing of the essay prompt is almost identical to the original question, which suggests a lack of effort in rephrasing.
– The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the author’s viewpoint.
– It too closely mirrors the wording and structure of the prompt rather than rephrasing it in your own words.
Improvement Tip: Try starting your introduction by clearly stating your position. Avoid phrases like “this essay will discuss…” — IELTS rewards clarity and directness.
Suggested Rewrite:
There is an ongoing debate about whether children should start school at an earlier age to facilitate faster learning and skill acquisition or if they should delay their education to better enjoy their formative years. While beginning formal education sooner can indeed have benefits, such as easing adaptation to a learning environment and potentially earlier graduation and employment, I personally believe that children benefit more by starting school at a slightly older age, around 6 or 7, allowing them time to play and develop at their own pace without undue stress.
📝 Practice Based on Your Essay
A. Fix the Sentences
- Some people argue that kids should begin school early because it help them learn fast and get more skills.
- Also, if they go school early, they can finish study sooner and find jobs faster.
- If children start study early, they may feel stress and it can damage their emotion.
B. Rewrite This Paragraph
They believe that younger children can adapt to the school environment easily and develop their brain when they are very small. Also, if they go school early, they can finish study sooner and find jobs faster.
Instructions: Rewrite the paragraph, focusing on improving grammar, structure, and clarity. Use Band 7.0 expectations.
C. Challenge: Spot the Mistakes
In my opinion, I think children should not go to school very early. They need time to play and grow. When they become 6 or 7, then it is good time to start learning.
Instructions: Find and fix the mistakes in the sentences above.
D. Use Your Grammar Packs
Write one example sentence for each grammar issue:
- Articles
- Verb Patterns
- Prepositions
E. Quick Self-Check
Reflect on your writing with this checklist:
- Did I use a mix of sentence types?
- Did I avoid repeating the same words?
- Did I check for article and verb errors?
Pick one to focus on next time.
🙋 What’s Next?
You’ve taken an important step toward improving your IELTS writing — great work!
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- 📧 Or email me directly at jack@ieltsjack.com
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Important: All feedback is created using ChatGPT for grammar and structure analysis. While this is a powerful tool for learning, it cannot accurately grade or predict official IELTS scores. For verified scores and strategies, personal lessons are strongly recommended.
Your target is Band 7.0 — keep going, and don’t stop writing!
– Jack