Jack’s IELTS Opinion Essay Feedback
Essay Type: IELTS Opinion Essay
Rewritten Essay
In many societies, there is a debate about the salary difference between essential workers like doctors and teachers, and celebrities such as footballers or movie stars. I partly agree with the idea that professionals should be paid more.
On the one hand, it is true that doctors and teachers provide a lot of value to the community. Doctors save lives and improve public health, while teachers educate children and help build the future of the country. Without them, society would not function properly. In addition, many of them work long hours and deal with a lot of stress, but their income does not always reflect this.
However, celebrities also bring value in different ways. Sports stars and musicians provide entertainment and help people relax. Their performances can create jobs and generate a lot of money through ticket sales, TV rights, and advertising. Also, their success often comes from years of hard work, talent, and discipline, so their high salary can be justified in some cases.
In conclusion, while I believe that doctors and teachers should be paid more than they are now, I do not think celebrities should be paid less. Both groups have different roles and contributions in society, and it is difficult to compare them directly.
Grammar
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | In many societies, there is a debate about the salary difference between essential workers like doctors and teachers, and celebrities such as footballers or movie stars. | In many societies, there is a debate about the salary difference between essential workers such as doctors and teachers, and celebrities such as footballers or movie stars. | The article “like” should be replaced with “such as” to correctly introduce examples. | Frequent errors with articles can lower clarity and cohesion, affecting the band score. |
| Cautious Language | I partly agree with the idea that professionals should be paid more. | I partially agree with the idea that professionals should be paid more. | “Partly” is less formal than “partially,” which is more appropriate in an academic context. | Informal language can affect the tone and appropriateness, possibly impacting the Task Achievement score. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | Without them, society would not function properly. | Without them, societies would not function properly. | “Societies” should be plural to match the plural subject “them.” | Subject-verb agreement errors can hinder coherence and accuracy, affecting the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score. |
| Articles | Doctors save lives and improve public health, while teachers educate children and help build the future of the country. | Doctors save lives and improve public health, while teachers educate children and help build the future of a country. | “A country” is more appropriate as it does not specify a particular country, aligning with the general context. | Article misuse can negatively affect clarity, influencing the Coherence and Cohesion score. |
| Cautious Language | while I believe that doctors and teachers should be paid more than they are now. | while I am of the opinion that doctors and teachers should receive a higher salary than they currently do. | “I am of the opinion” is more formal compared to “I believe,” and aligning with formal writing standards is crucial in IELTS essays. | Informal language can impact the Register and Style, which is relevant for Task Achievement. |
💬 Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
Your vocabulary choices are appropriate and well-controlled for IELTS formal writing. Great job avoiding slang, contractions, or overly casual expressions.
🔠Spelling Corrections
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| partly | partially | More appropriate adverb form |
| proffessionals | professionals | Typographical error |
| celebrities | celebrities | Correct spelling |
| difficult | difficult | Correct spelling |