Jack’s IELTS Discussion Essay Feedback
Essay Type: IELTS Discussion Essay
Rewritten Essay
In many cities, traffic is becoming a serious problem. Some people think that the solution is to invest more money in public transport systems like buses and trains. Others say that the roads should be improved instead to help cars move faster.
On the one hand, public transport can help reduce the number of cars on the road. If buses and trains are cheap and fast, people will prefer to use them instead of driving. For example, in cities like Tokyo, most people use public transport every day and the traffic is less. Also, it is better for the environment because fewer cars mean less pollution.
Change: “less cars” to “fewer cars” and “less pollution” retained. Explanation: “Cars” is countable, so “fewer” is used instead of “less.” “Pollution” is uncountable, so “less” is correct.
However, other people think that we still need to improve the roads because not everyone can use public transport. Some people live far away from the city and they need to drive. In addition, sometimes buses are late or full, and trains can be expensive. If the roads are bigger and better, then traffic will flow more smoothly and faster.
Change: “roads are bigger” to “the roads are bigger” and “traffic will go smoother” to “traffic will flow more smoothly.” Explanation: The definite article “the” is needed to refer to specific roads. “Flow more smoothly” correctly uses the adverb form for the verb “flow.”
In my opinion, I think both options are important, but public transport is more useful for most people. The government should try to improve the buses and trains first because it can help everyone, not just people who drive. Also, it helps the environment.
Change: “Government” to “The government.” Explanation: The definite article “the” is needed before “government” to specify which one is being referred to.
To sum up, both sides have good points, but public transport can make a bigger difference for the future of cities.
Change: “the future of the cities” to “the future of cities.” Explanation: The omission of the definite article is appropriate when making a general statement about cities as a category.
Grammar Table
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | less cars | fewer cars | “Cars” is a countable noun, so “fewer” is the correct quantifier instead of “less.” | Frequent misuse may lower the score for Lexical Resource. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | helps the environment | help the environment | The subject “buses and trains” is plural, so the verb should be in its base form “help.” | Repeated issues could impact the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score. |
| Informal Language | traffic will go smoother and faster | traffic will flow more smoothly and quickly | “Go smoother” is informal; “flow more smoothly and quickly” is a more formal and precise expression. | Using informal language can affect the Lexical Resource score. |
| Consistency | less cars means less pollution | fewer cars mean less pollution | The plural noun “cars” requires the plural verb “mean.” | Inconsistent errors may impact the score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. |
| Articles | because not everyone can use public transport. | because not everyone can use public transportation. | The term “public transport” should be made more formal as “public transportation” in this context. | Improper use of articles can lower the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score. |
💬 Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| less cars means less pollution | fewer cars means less pollution | “Fewer” is more appropriate than “less” when referring to countable nouns such as cars. |
| traffic will go smoother and faster | traffic will flow more smoothly and swiftly | “Flow more smoothly and swiftly” provides a more formal and precise description of improved traffic conditions. |
| In my opinion, I think both options are important | In my opinion, both options are important | The phrase “I think” is redundant when “In my opinion” is already used, making the sentence more concise. |
| Government should try to improve the buses and trains first | The government should prioritize improving buses and trains | Specifying “the government” and using “prioritize” provides clarity and a more formal expression. |
🔠 Spelling Corrections
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| less | fewer | Use “fewer” with countable nouns like cars. |
| smoother | more smoothly | Use the adverb “more smoothly” to describe the action of traffic. |
| environment | environment | Repetition of the word “environment.” |
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📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 4
- Compound Sentences: 4
- Complex Sentences: 4
- Conditionals: 2
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 0
Summary: The student provides a balanced mix of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences, with a fair integration of conditional sentences. However, there is a notable absence of rhetorical or stylistic devices, which could add depth and engagement to the essay.
Tip: The student should consider using rhetorical questions or stylistic devices to enhance the essay’s engagement level. Adding varied sentence openers and employ parallelism could also improve the sophistication and rhythm of the writing.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
In many cities, traffic is becoming a serious problem. Some people think that the solution is to invest more money into public transport systems like buses and trains. Others say that roads should be improved instead to help cars move faster.
Feedback:
– The introduction accurately paraphrases the given question by presenting both viewpoints on investment in public transport versus improving roads.
– The thesis statement is missing; the introduction doesn’t clearly state the writer’s opinion or answer the prompt’s requirement to ‘give your opinion.’
– The introduction avoids formulaic language, which is a plus, but lacks a direct indication of the writer’s stance.
Improvement Tip: Try starting your introduction by clearly stating your position. Avoid phrases like “this essay will discuss…” — IELTS rewards clarity and directness.
Suggested Rewrite:
Traffic congestion is a growing issue in many urban areas, prompting debate on whether governments should prioritize funding for public transport systems or enhance road infrastructure. While both approaches have merit, I believe that investing in public transportation offers more sustainable benefits for urban mobility and environmental health.
📝 Practice Based on Your Essay
A. Fix the Sentences
- If buses and trains are cheap and fast, people will prefer to use them instead of driving.
- Also, it is better for the environment because less cars means less pollution.
- Government should try to improve the buses and trains first because it can help everyone, not just people who drive.
B. Rewrite This Paragraph
On the one hand, public transport can help reduce the number of cars on the road. If buses and trains are cheap and fast, people will prefer to use them instead of driving. For example, in cities like Tokyo, most people use public transport every day and the traffic is less. Also, it is better for the environment because less cars means less pollution.
Instructions: Rewrite the paragraph, focusing on improving grammar, structure, and clarity. Use Band 7.0 expectations.
C. Challenge: Spot the Mistakes
In addition, sometimes buses are late or full, and trains can be expensive. If roads are bigger and better, then traffic will go smoother and faster.
Instructions: Identify and correct the errors in these sentences.
D. Use Your Grammar Packs
Write one example sentence for each grammar issue:
- Articles
- Verb Patterns
- Prepositions
E. Quick Self-Check
Reflect on your writing. Consider the following:
- Did I use a mix of sentence types?
- Did I avoid repeating the same words?
- Did I check for article and verb errors?
Choose one to focus on improving next time.
🙋 What’s Next?
You’ve taken an important step toward improving your IELTS writing — great work!
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Important: All feedback is created using ChatGPT for grammar and structure analysis. While this is a powerful tool for learning, it cannot accurately grade or predict official IELTS scores. For verified scores and strategies, personal lessons are strongly recommended.
Your target is Band 7.0 — keep going, and don’t stop writing!
– Jack
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