Jack’s IELTS Discussion Essay Feedback
Essay Type: IELTS Discussion Essay
Rewritten Essay
Some people argue that kids should begin school early because it helps them learn fast and acquire more skills. They believe that younger children can adapt to the school environment easily and develop their brains when they are very small. Also, if they go to school early, they can finish their studies sooner and find jobs faster.
Change: “it help” to “it helps”, “brain” to “brains”, “go school” to “go to school”, and “study” to “their studies”. Explanation: Corrected subject-verb agreement, added necessary articles, and corrected prepositions for grammatical accuracy.
However, other people think it is not good to send children to school when they are too young. They believe that kids should play and enjoy their childhood before starting formal education. If children start studying early, they may feel stressed, and it can damage their emotions. Also, parents need to care for children’s mental health and not only their education.
Change: “send children school” to “send children to school”, “start study” to “start studying”, “feel stress” to “feel stressed”, “damage their emotion” to “damage their emotions”, and “take care about” to “care for”. Explanation: Corrected prepositional phrases, added necessary articles, and improved verb forms.
In my opinion, I think children should not go to school very early. They need time to play and grow. When they are 6 or 7, then it is a good time to start learning. This way, they will not feel pressure, and they can focus better when they are ready.
Change: “become” to “are” and added “a” in “a good time”. Added a comma after “This way”. Explanation: Corrected verb form and article usage, and added appropriate punctuation.
To conclude, while starting school early has some benefits, I believe that it is better to wait until the child is older for better development and happiness.
Grammar Table
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | because it help them learn fast and get more skills. | because it helps them learn quickly and acquire more skills. | The sentence requires proper article usage and verb form agreement. | Frequent errors in articles can lead to a score of 5 or 6. |
| Informal Language | Some people argue that kids should begin school early | Some people argue that children should begin school early | Use “children” instead of informal “kids” to maintain a formal tone. | Informal language consistently can lower the score to 5 or 6. |
| Prepositions | if they go school early | if they go to school early | The correct preposition “to” is needed following the verb “go”. | Repeated preposition errors can lead to a band 5. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | it help them learn fast | it helps them learn quickly | “It” requires the singular verb “helps”. | This error can impact coherence and could mean a band score of 6. |
| Modals | parents need to take care about children’s mental health | parents need to take care of children’s mental health | The correct phrase is “take care of” rather than “take care about”. | Errors in common phrases can affect overall understanding, impacting band scores negatively. |
Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| kids | children | “Children” is more formal and suitable for an IELTS essay than “kids,” which is considered informal. |
| it help them learn fast and get more skills | it helps them learn quickly and acquire more skills | Using “helps” is grammatically correct, “quickly” is a more formal substitute for “fast,” and “acquire” is more formal than “get.” |
| go school early | attend school early | “Attend” is a more formal verb choice than the informal “go.” |
| finish study sooner | complete their studies earlier | “Complete their studies earlier” is more grammatically accurate and formal than “finish study sooner.” |
| find jobs faster | secure employment more quickly | “Secure employment more quickly” is more formal than “find jobs faster.” |
| they may feel stress and it can damage their emotion | they may experience stress, which can affect their emotional well-being | This suggestion uses more formal language and provides a clearer explanation of the impact on emotional health. |
| take care about children’s mental health | be mindful of children’s mental health | “Be mindful of” is a more accurate and formal way to express the need to consider mental health. |
| I think children should not go to school very early. | I believe children should not start school too early. | Using “start school too early” is a more precise and formal way to phrase this opinion. |
| it is good time to start learning | it is an appropriate time to commence their education | “Commence their education” is more formal than “start learning,” and “appropriate” is more precise than “good.” |
| this way they will not feel pressure and they can focus better | this approach allows them to avoid pressure and concentrate more effectively | The suggested phrasing is more formal and succinct. |
Spelling Feedback
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| help | helps | Subject-verb agreement: “help” should be “helps” to match the singular subject “it.” |
| go | to | Incorrect preposition usage: “go” should be “to” before “school.” |
| stress | stressed | The context requires the past participle form “stressed” to indicate the feeling of stress. |
| children’s | children’s | Correct apostrophe placement for possessive form. |
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📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 6
- Compound Sentences: 3
- Complex Sentences: 7
- Conditionals: 3
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 0
Summary: The student uses a fair balance of simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, the essay could benefit from the inclusion of rhetorical or stylistic devices to engage the reader further. Additionally, there’s some repetition in sentence starters with several sentences beginning with “They believe” or similar constructs, which could be varied for more dynamic writing.
Tip: Improve engagement by inserting a rhetorical question to challenge the reader’s thinking or to guide the narrative. Also, consider varying sentence starters by using adverbs, questions, or different clauses to enhance the flow and interest of the text.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
Some people argue that kids should begin school early because it help them learn fast and get more skills. They believe that younger children can adapt to the school environment easily and develop their brain when they are very small. Also, if they go school early, they can finish study sooner and find jobs faster.
Feedback:
– The paraphrasing of the question is somewhat accurate, but it’s incomplete as it only presents one side.
– The thesis is missing from the introduction. Your own opinion should be clearly stated at the beginning.
– Avoid jumping straight into specific points in the introduction. Ensure a balanced view with both perspectives mentioned first, alongside your opinion.
Improvement Tip: Start your introduction by briefly mentioning both sides of the argument and then clearly state your opinion on the matter. This approach provides a balanced overview while directly addressing the task prompt.
Suggested Rewrite:
There is ongoing debate regarding the appropriate age for children to commence their education. While some hold the view that early schooling is essential for quick learning and skill acquisition, others advocate for delaying school entry until at least the age of seven to preserve childhood and prevent early stress. In my opinion, waiting until children are slightly older before they begin formal education is beneficial for their emotional and developmental well-being.
📝 Practice Based on Your Essay
A. Fix the Sentences
- Some people argue that kids should begin school early because it help them learn fast and get more skills.
- If children start study early, they may feel stress and it can damage their emotion.
- Parents need to take care about children’s mental health and not only their education.
Instructions: Please rewrite these sentences correctly.
B. Rewrite This Paragraph
However, other people think it is not good to send children school when they are too young. They believe that kids should play and enjoy their childhood before starting formal education. If children start study early, they may feel stress and it can damage their emotion. Also, parents need to take care about children’s mental health and not only their education.
Instructions: Rewrite the paragraph, focusing on improving grammar, structure, and clarity. Use Band 7.0 expectations.
C. Challenge: Spot the Mistakes
In my opinion, I think children should not go to school very early. They need time to play and grow. When they become 6 or 7, then it is good time to start learning.
Instructions: Spot and correct the mistakes in the sentences above.
D. Use Your Grammar Packs
Instructions: Write one example sentence for each grammar issue using the list below.
- Articles
- Verb Patterns
- Prepositions
E. Quick Self-Check
Reflect on your writing using the checklist below:
- Did I use a mix of sentence types?
- Did I avoid repeating the same words?
- Did I check for article and verb errors?
Pick one to focus on next time.
🙋 What’s Next?
You’ve taken an important step toward improving your IELTS writing — great work!
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Important: All feedback is created using ChatGPT for grammar and structure analysis. While this is a powerful tool for learning, it cannot accurately grade or predict official IELTS scores. For verified scores and strategies, personal lessons are strongly recommended.
Your target is Band 7.0 — keep going, and don’t stop writing!
– Jack
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