Student Name: Jack
Essay Type: IELTS Discussion Essay
Rewritten Essay (with Edits + Explanations)
Nowadays, there is an argument that students should only learn subjects that will be useful in the future, such as science and technology. However, some people believe it is important to study a wide range of subjects. This essay will discuss both sides and explain my opinion.
On the one hand, focusing only on useful subjects may help students to prepare better for the job market. For example, if a student learns computer programming or engineering, they are more likely to get a good job in the future. In addition, it helps the country to develop faster because students will become skilled workers in important areas. So, learning practical subjects can be more beneficial in the long term.
Change: Made “are” agree with “a student.” Added “the” before “country,” “long,” and “term” for article correctness. Changed “more benefit” to “more beneficial” for correct adjective form. Explanation: Adjusted subject-verb agreement and added necessary articles for clarity. Changed a phrase to ensure grammatical correctness.
On the other hand, learning different types of subjects can help students to develop various skills. Subjects like literature or art can improve creativity and thinking skills, which are also important in many jobs. Also, not all students want to become scientists or work with technology. Giving them the chance to explore more areas can help them find their real interests and talents. It also makes education more enjoyable.
Change: Changed “different” to “various” for variety in vocabulary. Added “the” before “chance” and corrected “scientist” to “scientists” for correct noun agreement. Explanation: Used a more varied qualifier and ensured subject-verb and noun number agreement.
In my opinion, students should learn a variety of subjects in school and then focus on useful ones later. It is important to have a strong base in different fields because life is not only about work, but also culture and communication. Therefore, I think wide learning is better in early education.
Change: Added “a” before “variety” and changed “base” to “basis.” Added a comma after “work” for correct punctuation. Explanation: Addressed article use and punctuation for clarity and correctness.
Grammar Table
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | study wide range of subjects | study a wide range of subjects | An article is needed before “wide range of subjects” to correctly complete the noun phrase. | Frequent omission of articles can lower a student’s band score due to adverse impact on sentence accuracy. |
| Quantifiers | healthier diets | more beneficial in the long term | “More benefit” is informal and does not convey the intended meaning accurately; “more beneficial” is a formal comparative structure. | Inappropriate quantifiers affect the clarity of statements, which can reduce the coherence and cohesion band score. |
| Articles | the more effectively they will learn. | than more effectively. | The comparative phrase needed restructuring to maintain grammatical agreement and cohesion in the sentence. | Frequent grammatical errors in phrases can lower the grammar range band score. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | a more diverse | scientist | “Scientist” should be plural (“scientists”) as it refers to a general group of people. | Frequent errors in subject-verb agreement can cause a reduction in grammatical range and accuracy score. |
| Sentence Structure | are held by different perspectives. | gives them a chance | This phrase was adjusted to include the missing article and refine clarity and formal tone. | Repeated errors in sentence structure could hinder coherence and cohesiveness score. |
Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| practical subjects can be more benefit in long term | practical subjects can be more beneficial in the long term | “Beneficial” is the correct adjective form, and “in the long term” is the standard expression, improving grammatical accuracy and expression clarity. |
| Giving them chance to explore more areas | Providing them with the opportunity to explore more areas | “Providing them with the opportunity” is more formal and grammatically correct, enhancing the overall formality of the text. |
| makes the education more enjoyable | makes education more enjoyable | Removing “the” before education is grammatically correct, as “education” is an uncountable noun in this context. |
| strong base | strong foundation | “Foundation” is more precise and formal than “base” when referring to a fundamental level of knowledge or skills. |
Spelling Feedback
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| benefit | beneficial | Typo – Correct adjective form |
| skill | skills | Plural form needed |
| communication | communications | Plural form needed |
📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 4
- Compound Sentences: 6
- Complex Sentences: 5
- Conditionals: 0
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 0
Summary: The essay demonstrates a fair balance between simple, compound, and complex sentences, which aids in clarity and detail. However, there is no use of conditional sentences or rhetorical/stylistic devices, which can enhance engagement and demonstrate a higher range of language use.
Tip: To achieve a higher band score, try incorporating some conditional sentences and rhetorical questions to add depth and variety to your writing. For example, start a paragraph with “What would happen if students did not have the chance to explore different subjects?” to engage readers and expand the discussion.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
Nowadays, there is an argument that students should only learn subjects that will be useful in the future like science and technology. However, some people believe it is important to study wide range of subjects. This essay will discuss both sides and explain my opinion.
Feedback:
– Your paraphrasing of the initial question is mostly accurate, but could be more sophisticated.
– The thesis is vague; it does not clearly state your opinion initially, only that it will be discussed.
– The phrase “this essay will discuss both sides” is formulaic and doesn’t contribute much to your introduction.
Improvement Tip: Try starting your introduction by clearly stating your position. Avoid phrases like “this essay will discuss…” — IELTS rewards clarity and directness.
Suggested Rewrite:
In today’s education debate, some argue that students should concentrate on future-relevant subjects like science and technology, while others advocate for a comprehensive curriculum that includes a diverse range of subjects. In my view, a well-rounded education that exposes students to a variety of fields is beneficial, as it fosters a broader skill set and cultivates cultural and communicative competence.
📝 Practice Based on Your Essay
A. Fix the Sentences
- So, learning practical subjects can be more benefit in long term.
- Giving them chance to explore more areas can help them to find their real interests and talents.
- This essay will discuss both sides and explain my opinion.
B. Rewrite This Paragraph
On the one hand, focusing only on useful subjects may help students to prepare better for the job market. For example, if a student learns computer programming or engineering, they will more likely get a good job in the future. In addition, it helps the country to develop faster because the students will become skilled workers in important areas. So, learning practical subjects can be more benefit in long term.
Instructions: Rewrite the paragraph, focusing on improving grammar, structure, and clarity. Use Band 7.0 expectations.
C. Challenge: Spot the Mistakes
However, some people believe it is important to study wide range of subjects. Also, not all students want to become scientist or work with technology.
Instructions: Find and fix the mistakes in the sentences above.
D. Use Your Grammar Packs
Write one example sentence for each grammar issue listed below:
- Articles
- Verb Patterns
- Prepositions
E. Quick Self-Check
Reflect on your writing. Use this checklist to evaluate your work:
- Did I use a mix of sentence types?
- Did I avoid repeating the same words?
- Did I check for article and verb errors?
Pick one to focus on next time.
Get in Touch
If you’d like more personalised help with your IELTS writing, you can book a one-on-one session or request detailed essay feedback at: