Student: Jack
Essay Type: IELTS Opinion Essay
Rewritten Essay (with Edits & Explanations)
Children are born into the digital world. From Change: a young age, they know: how to operate Change: computers, iPads:, and the: TV. It is part of their daily life. Change: School-age children are: no exception to the use of computers. They are confident users of computers and very dependent on them, which can lead to Change: a decline in reading and writing skills. Some teachers Change: use the: computers well in their lessons, while others avoid Change: using computers: in their classrooms. I believe Change: a good balance of both is needed to help students’ reading and writing skills improve:.
Explanation: Adjusted for articles (“From a young age,” “the TV”), subject-verb agreement (“School-age children are no exception”), verb patterns (“teachers use computers”), and punctuation (added commas for clarity).
Computers can help students with reading. For example, if students come across unknown words, they can search Change: the unknown words and hear the pronunciation. If it Change: were not for computers:, they Change: would have to find someone who knows how to pronounce the words for them. Therefore, computers can play Change: a positive role in students’ reading skills.
Explanation: Used correct articles (“the unknown words”), corrected verb patterns (“If it were not”), and used punctuation properly (placed commas for correct separation).
Change: On the other hand, writing skills need to be improved Change: through lots of handwritten work. If students are using computers all the time and getting the help of autocorrection, they will not improve their writing skills. They will not know how to edit, as autocorrect is doing the job for them.
Explanation: Corrected “On the other hand” for singular usage and addressed “handwritten work” as uncountable noun usage, with proper comma placement for complex sentences.
In conclusion, I believe that teachers should not allow students to do all the work Change: on computers, especially writing tasks. However, Change: teachers should not avoid the use of computers: as computers can be a great help if they Change: are used effectively. Rather than avoiding computers,: that students are so used to, teachers need to come up with how to use them effectively: to enhance students’ reading and writing skills.
Explanation: Made changes for articles (“on computers”), subject-verb agreement (“teachers should not avoid”), corrected verb patterns (“are used”), and adjusted punctuation to manage sentence flow better.
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | From young age, | From a young age, | The sentence requires the article ‘a’ to specify the noun ‘young age’. | Frequent errors with articles can lower the IELTS score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | School age children is no exception | School age children are no exception | The subject ‘children’ is plural and requires the verb ‘are’ instead of ‘is’. | Consistent issues with subject-verb agreement can significantly affect the Grammatical Range and Accuracy band score. |
| Informal Language | computers, iPad, and TV. | computers, tablets, and televisions. | The phrase uses informal words which should be replaced with their formal counterparts. | Use of informal language can reduce the Lexical Resource score. |
| Articles | good balance of both is needed | a good balance of both is needed | The use of the article ‘a’ is necessary before ‘good balance’. | Incorrect use of articles can affect the band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. |
| Verb Form | students can search the unknow words | students can search the unknown words | The correct form ‘unknown’ should be used instead of ‘unknow’. | Incorrect verb forms can lower the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score. |
| Prepositions | play positive role | play a positive role | The preposition ‘a’ is required to specify ‘positive role’. | Repeated preposition errors can affect the Grammatical Range and Accuracy score. |
| Conjunctions | On the other hands, | On the other hand, | The phrase should be ‘On the other hand’, as it is the correct form. | Incorrect conjunction usage can impact the Coherence and Cohesion score. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | teacher should not avoid | teachers should not avoid | ‘Teacher’ should agree with ‘teachers’, as plural noun requires plural verb form. | Subject-verb agreement issues can adversely affect the Grammatical Range and Accuracy band. |
Sentence Variety Feedback
While your essay demonstrates a solid understanding of sentence structure, incorporating a wider range of sentence types can increase the readability and score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criterion. Consider using more complex sentences with subordinate clauses to express more nuanced ideas and to avoid over-dependence on simple sentence structures.
Introduction & Thesis Feedback
Your introduction presents a clear understanding of the topic, but it might benefit from a slightly more defined thesis statement. Currently, the thesis could be expanded to explicitly state your position and outline the main points you plan to discuss in the essay. This will improve how well you fulfill the Task Response criterion.
Exercises to Improve Weak Areas
- Practice with Articles: Engage in exercises that focus specifically on the correct use of ‘a’, ‘an’, and ‘the’. These are crucial for clarity and correctness in your writing.
- Subject-Verb Agreement Drills: Use worksheets and quizzes that emphasize matching subjects with their appropriate verb forms to avoid agreement errors.
- Complex Sentences Workshop: Try creating complex sentences with multiple clauses by using conjunctions such as “although”, “since”, and “while” to diversify sentence types.
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