Student Name: Jack
Essay Type: IELTS Discussion Essay
Rewritten Essay (with edits + explanations)
Nowadays, there are varying opinions regarding the appropriate age at which children should begin school. Some people argue that starting early benefits their development, whereas others believe it is better to wait until the age of seven. This essay will discuss both perspectives and present my viewpoint.
On the one hand, starting school early offers several advantages. Children can learn basic skills, such as reading and writing, at a young age, which helps them perform better in future studies. Additionally, if they attend school early, they become accustomed to routine and discipline, which are useful throughout their lives. For example, in countries like the UK, children start school at the age of four or five and become more independent early on.
On the other hand, some people believe it is not beneficial to start too young. They argue that young children should enjoy their childhood and learn through play, rather than by sitting in a classroom all day. If children attend school too early, they might feel stressed or bored. Some countries like Finland allow children to start school at seven, and they still perform exceptionally well in education.
In my opinion, children should not be compelled to attend school too early. It is preferable to wait until they are ready mentally and emotionally. When children start school at an older age, they are more mature and capable of learning more effectively.
In conclusion, while early schooling presents some benefits, I believe it is more advantageous for children to commence formal education when they are a bit older.
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | at young age | at a young age | The indefinite article “a” is needed before “young age” to indicate any non-specific young age. | Frequent errors can reduce clarity, impacting Cohesion and Coherence scores. |
| Punctuation | while others believe it’s better to wait | while others believe it is better to wait | Contractions should be avoided in formal writing; “it’s” should be expanded to “it is”. | Can lower scores under the Task Achievement criterion if consistently used informally. |
| Article Usage | by sitting in classroom all day | by sitting in a classroom all day | The indefinite article “a” is needed to refer to a non-specific classroom. | Article misuse can affect Grammatical Range and Accuracy scores. |
| Spelling | feel stress or bored | feel stressed or bored | The adjective “stressed” should be used instead of the noun “stress” to properly describe the feeling. | Spelling errors can reduce clarity and coherence in writing, impacting scores. |
| Formality | kids | children | “Kids” is informal and should be replaced with the formal equivalent “children”. | Formal language is crucial for a high score in IELTS Writing |
Sentence Variety Feedback
Your essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, effectively combining simple, compound, and complex sentences. This variety helps maintain reader interest and shows a solid command of language. Aim to maintain this diversity in sentence construction to ensure clarity and engagement throughout your writing.
Introduction & Thesis Feedback
The introduction sets up the discussion effectively by presenting both perspectives on the topic. The thesis statement is clear and outlines your stance, providing a solid framework for the essay. Ensure the thesis is always straightforward, highlighting your main argument to guide the reader through your points.
Exercises to Improve Weak Areas
- Work on avoiding contractions to maintain formality.
- Practice using precise vocabulary to enhance clarity and academic tone.
- Pay attention to article usage, especially with non-specific nouns.
https://ieltsjack.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/IELTS_Grammar_Pack_Simple_to_Complex-3.pdf
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