Hi Jack, here is your full IELTS feedback
You submitted an IELTS Opinion Essay.
✍️ Rewritten Essay (with changes + explanations)
In many parts of the world, particularly in developing countries, owning a home is considered more important than renting. This mindset is often rooted in cultural values, financial security, and social status.
One major reason people prefer to own rather than rent is the sense of long-term stability. When individuals own a property, they do not need to worry about rent increases or being asked to leave. For families, especially those with children, homeownership can provide a sense of permanence and security. In addition, owning a house is often seen as a wise investment. Over time, property values may increase, allowing the owner to build wealth, unlike rent, which offers no return. Social perception also plays a role; in many cultures, owning a home is a symbol of success and maturity.
While the desire to own property is understandable, it can possibly have drawbacks. In some cases, people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house. This can lead to stress or financial instability, especially if economic conditions change or interest rates rise. Furthermore, a strong focus on ownership may discourage mobility, making it harder for people to relocate for better jobs or opportunities.
Explanation: Added “possibly” to introduce cautious language regarding drawbacks.
In conclusion, although owning a home brings many advantages, the pressure to do so can potentially create challenges. Whether it is positive or negative depends on the individual’s financial situation and priorities. Ideally, people should have the freedom to choose what suits their life best without social or economic pressure.
Explanation: Added “potentially” to cautiously discuss the challenges created by the pressure to own a home.
🔍 Common Grammar Issues
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | This mindset is often rooted in cultural values, financial security, and social status. | This mindset is often rooted in cultural values, financial security, and social status. | No correction needed; the article usage is correct, but “the” before “financial security” or “social status” could be added for clarity: “the financial security, and the social status.” | If repeated, inconsistent use of articles may lower clarity and therefore Band 7 or above for grammar. |
| Word Choice | Unlike rent, which offers no return. | Unlike renting, which offers no return. | The noun “rent” should be replaced with the gerund “renting” to indicate the action, not the payment. | If this minor word choice error is frequent, it may restrict the essay to Band 6 or 6.5 for lexical resource. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | In some cases, people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house. | In some cases, people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house. | No correction needed; the verb forms are correct. | Persistent subject-verb errors could reduce the score to Band 6 or below for grammatical range and accuracy. |
| Cautious Language | Whether it is positive or negative depends on the individual’s financial situation and priorities. | Whether this is positive or negative depends on an individual’s financial situation and priorities. | Using “this” clarifies the reference to the situation previously discussed, and “an individual’s” generalizes the statement appropriately. | Repeated ambiguity or lack of clarity in reference could impact Coherence and Cohesion, possibly reducing the band to 6.5 or 7. |
💬 Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| just to purchase a house | simply to purchase a house | “Just” is slightly informal in this context; “simply” maintains clarity while adopting a more neutral, formal tone suitable for academic writing. |
| kids | children | Using “children” instead of “kids” ensures a more formal and academic tone aligned with IELTS requirements. (Note: “children” is already used in your essay, but if “kids” was in the text, this would be important.) |
Your vocabulary and tone are generally well-suited for IELTS formal writing, with only minor adjustments suggested to further enhance formality and precision. Excellent work overall!
🔠 Spelling Corrections
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| homeownership | home ownership | In British English (commonly used in IELTS), “home ownership” is typically two words. The one-word form is a US variant. |
| relocate | re-locate | In formal British English, “re-locate” can be used, though “relocate” is increasingly common and generally accepted. No major error here, just a minor convention note. |
| priorities | prioritise | “Priorities” is correct as a noun; confusion can arise with the UK verb “prioritise” vs US “prioritize.” In this context, the noun form is correct so no real spelling error. |
📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 5
- Compound Sentences: 4
- Complex Sentences: 6
- Conditionals: 0
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 0
Summary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable mix of simple, compound, and complex sentence structures, showing that there is an attempt to diversify sentence types. There is, however, a notable absence of conditional sentences and rhetorical or stylistic devices, which could enhance the richness and persuasiveness of the writing.
Tip: To further improve sentence variety and the overall dynamism of your writing, consider incorporating conditional sentences and rhetorical questions. This can not only provide clarity and emphasis but also engage the reader more effectively.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
In many parts of the world, particularly in developing countries, owning a home is considered more important than renting. This mindset is often rooted in cultural values, financial security, and social status.
Feedback:
– Paraphrasing accuracy: The paraphrasing is generally good—you mention both the global context and the greater value placed on owning rather than renting. However, specifying “particularly in developing countries” slightly shifts the focus away from the broader relevance inherent in the original question (in some countries).
– Thesis clarity or vagueness: The introduction gives an overview of the reasons (cultural values, financial security, social status), but it does not clearly answer the second part of the question: whether you think this situation is positive or negative. There is no explicit thesis statement presenting your opinion.
– Formulaic phrasing: The introduction avoids generic phrases like “this essay will discuss,” which is good.
Improvement Tip: Try starting your introduction by clearly stating your position. Avoid phrases like “this essay will discuss…” — IELTS rewards clarity and directness.
Suggested Rewrite:
In some societies, owning a home is valued much more highly than renting due to reasons such as cultural tradition, financial security, and social standing. While this preference can motivate individuals to build stability and wealth, I believe the intense pressure to own property can sometimes cause unnecessary financial strain and is not always a positive development.
📚 Recommended Grammar Packs
Want help getting started? Follow this 3-day plan:
Day 1: Cautious Language
Review Material: Understand how to use cautious language effectively in your writing. Open the Cautious Language pack.
Task: Write 3 sentences that illustrate the use of cautious language in expressing opinions.
Helpful Tip: Remember that cautious language can help you deliver your point delicately to avoid overgeneralization.
Day 2: Complex Sentences
Review Material: Explore techniques to form complex sentences for greater fluency and cohesion. Open the Complex Sentences pack.
Task: Compose 3 complex sentences using at least one relative clause in each.
Helpful Tip: Using complex sentences can enhance the sophistication of your writing, which is a key aspect for achieving a higher band score.
Day 3: Common Tense Errors
Review Material: Identify and correct common tense errors that can impact your writing clarity. Open the Common Tense Errors pack.
Task: Edit a short paragraph you wrote previously by fixing any tense errors.
Helpful Tip: Consistency in tense can help maintain a smooth narrative flow, which is crucial in IELTS writing.
🛠️ Practice Exercises
A. Fix the Sentences
- In some cases, people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house.
- Over time, property values may increase, allowing the owner to build wealth, unlike rent, which offers no return.
- In conclusion, although owning a home brings many advantages, the pressure to do so can also create challenges.
Task: Rewrite each sentence to improve grammatical accuracy and clarity.
B. Rewrite This Paragraph
While the desire to own property is understandable, it can also have drawbacks. In some cases, people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house. This can lead to stress or financial instability, especially if economic conditions change or interest rates rise. Furthermore, a strong focus on ownership may discourage mobility, making it harder for people to relocate for better jobs or opportunities.
Instructions: Rewrite the paragraph above, focusing on correct grammar, paragraph structure, and clarity. Aim for a Band 7.5 standard.
C. Challenge: Spot the Mistakes
When individuals own a property, they do not need to worry about rent increases or being asked to leave. Social perception also plays a role, in many cultures, owning a home is a symbol of success and maturity.
Instructions: There are grammar mistakes in these sentences. Identify and correct them.
D. Use Your Grammar Packs
Write one original example sentence for each area below, using topics from your essay if possible:
- Articles
- Verb Patterns
- Prepositions
E. Quick Self-Check
- Did I use a mix of sentence types