Hi jack,
Thanks for submitting your essay. Here’s your feedback:
The essay type you selected is “IELTS Opinion Essay.” However, the given question—“Do the benefits of this exposure outweigh the drawbacks?”—is actually an “Outweigh” essay, which asks you to weigh the benefits versus the drawbacks and make a clear judgement. Mistaking this for an Opinion essay can affect your Task Response score because you need to have a clear position on whether the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, rather than just discussing both sides equally.
| Error Type | Original Sentence/Phrase | Corrected Version | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Subject-Verb Agreement | I believe it also have good sides. | I believe it also has good sides. | The singular subject “it” requires the verb form “has”. | This kind of basic grammar error can limit you to Band 6. |
| Articles | screen time have both good and bad effects. | Screen time has both good and bad effects. | “Screen time” should be capitalized here at the beginning, and the correct verb form “has” is needed. No article is necessary before “screen time.” | Incorrect article and verb use can lower your Grammatical Range & Accuracy score. |
| Articles | it can be helpful for child development. | it can be helpful for children’s development. | Add possession (“children’s”) as “child development” here is ungrammatical without specifying the possessive form. | Incorrect article or form can make your meaning unclear, impacting your score. |
| Pronouns Referencing | In this essay I will discuss both. | In this essay, I will discuss both sides. | The word “both” is vague; adding “sides” clarifies what is being discussed. | Unclear referencing affects cohesion and coherence (Band 6 or below). |
| Pronouns Referencing | if parents control it and choose good content | if parents control screen time and choose good content | Replacing “it” with “screen time” clarifies the sentence for the reader. | Ambiguous pronouns can confuse the reader and lower your score. |
📊 Grammar Breakdown Chart
articles
subject_verb_agreement
pronouns_referencing
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📚 Recommended Grammar Packs
📆 3-Day Study Plan
Day 1: Articles
Review: Articles Pack
Task: Practice writing 5 sentences using articles correctly for each type: definite, indefinite, and zero article.
Tip: Pay attention to noun specificity and countability when choosing articles.
Day 2: Pronouns and Referencing
Review: Pronouns and Referencing Pack
Task: Write a short paragraph ensuring correct pronoun usage and proper antecedent identification.
Tip: Ensure pronouns clearly refer back to nouns; be precise to avoid ambiguity.
Day 3: Articles and Pronouns Integration
Review: Revise both Articles Pack and Pronouns and Referencing Pack
Task: Draft a short essay using a variety of articles and pronouns, focusing on clarity and cohesion.
Tip: Review each sentence to ensure articles and pronouns are used to enhance readability and precision.
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✍️ Suggested Essay Rewrite (Band 5.5)
Many people today are worried about the amount of time children spend on the screens such as phones, tablets, or TVs.
Nowadays, children are using screens more than ever. Some people think this is bad, but I believe it also has good sides. In this essay, I will discuss both.
Change: “have” to “has”. Explanation: Corrected subject-verb agreement. “It” as a singular pronoun requires “has” instead of “have”.
On the one hand, too much screen time can cause problems. Children don’t go outside much, so they become lazy and unhealthy. Also, they may not talk with family or friends because they are always playing games or watching videos.
Change: “not healthy” to “unhealthy”. Explanation: Improved phrasing for better readability and coherence.
But on the other hand, screens also help children learn. There are many educational videos and apps that teach math, reading, or even science. In some schools, children use tablets to study, and this can make learning more fun.
In conclusion, screen time has both good and bad effects. I think if parents control it and choose good content, it can be helpful for children’s development.
Change: “have” to “has” and “child” to “children’s”. Explanation: Corrected subject-verb agreement error and used the correct possessive form for “children”.
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