IELTS Feedback for JACK

Hi JACK,

Thanks for submitting your essay. Here’s your feedback:

Error Type	Original	Corrected	Explanation	IELTS Impact
Articles	…sending children to schools cannot be the best method of educating them…	…sending children to school cannot be the best method of educating them…	The plural “schools” is unnecessary; “school” as an uncountable noun here refers to the general concept or institution.	Frequent basic article errors can prevent a Band 7 and typically result in a Band 6 for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Articles	…by telling stories such as Robin Hood, Cinderella before bedtime…	…by telling stories such as Robin Hood and Cinderella before bedtime…	A conjunction “and” is required between two examples to make the list grammatically correct.	Persistent minor errors in articles/listing may reduce clarity and fluency, possibly lowering the grammar band.
Articles	…Professor Ngo Bao, Professor Nguyen Hung who have devoted their talents to the development of the country.	…Professor Ngo Bao and Professor Nguyen Hung, who have devoted their talents to the development of the country.	“And” is necessary to connect two individuals in a list, and a comma is needed before the defining clause.	Repeated errors in sentence structure and articles can result in distractions and limit the essay to Band 6.5.
Articles	…allow children to progress faster.	…allow the children to progress faster.	“The” is required here to specify the particular children being taught at home.	Omitting necessary articles is a common error that may prevent the essay achieving Band 7 for grammar.

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✍️ Suggested Essay Rewrite (Band 7.0)

🎓 IELTS Feedback for JACK

Hi JACK,

Thanks for submitting your essay. Here’s your personalized feedback and study guide:

✅ Essay Type

This essay is an opinion-type essay where you are required to present your view on the given topic and support it with reasons and examples.

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🔍 Common Grammar Issues

Your main issue was with articles. Correct use of articles (“a,” “an,” and “the”) is important for conveying clear and specific information.

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✍️ Suggested Rewrite

Some people believe that children should be taught by their parents about how to function as useful members of society, while others believe that sending children to educational institutions is the best way for them to study this. Although the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that family upbringing plays a more important role in educating children to be good parts of the community.

Schools can be considered suitable places for children to learn to be good citizens. With standardized educational methods, schools can foster children’s cognitive development so that they are able to contribute to society in the future. For example, the Trung Vuong school and Vinschool are well known for having nurtured successful alumni such as Professor Ngo Bao and Professor Nguyen Hung, who have devoted their talents to the development of the country. However, these people only represent a small fraction of the total number of students attending schools, and thus sending children to schools cannot be the best method of educating them to be good members of society.
Change: Added “the” before school names and a comma before “who.”
Explanation: “The” is used to specify particular schools, and the comma is added for better clarity in the sentence.

I believe that parents play a more important role in teaching them how to be good citizens. In Vietnam, the average class size is 20 students, which makes it difficult for educators to provide proper schooling for each student. One-to-one lessons at home, on the other hand, allow children to progress faster. Furthermore, parents form stronger bonds with their offspring and thus, it is easier for them to shape children’s personalities at an early age. For example, by telling stories such as “Robin Hood” and “Cinderella” before bedtime, parents can instill a sense of compassion and integrity into them. These children are likely to become good members of society when they grow up.
Change: Added quotation marks around story titles.
Explanation: Quotation marks are used to denote the names of specific stories when referenced.

In conclusion, although sending children to schools can be seen as a way of teaching them how to be good citizens, I believe that domestic upbringing has a bigger impact on determining who they are in the future.

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📚 Recommended Grammar Packs

I recommend focusing on the usage of articles (“a,” “an,” and “the”) to improve the clarity of your writing. Study materials on article usage can provide more examples and exercises to help reinforce the rules and exceptions.

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👋 Want more help?

You can book a free 15-minute 1:1 class to ask questions or get personal guidance.
Spots are limited, but it’s easy to grab one.

Want to go deeper? Upgrade to:
– 30 minutes: focused feedback on 1 essay
– 45 minutes: writing + speaking support
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💬 Know someone preparing for IELTS?

Feel free to share this page or tell a friend. It might help them too.

You’re improving just by showing up. Don’t stress — this is working.

Any questions email me at jack@ieltsjack.com and I’ll answer personally.