Hi JACK, here is your full IELTS feedback
You submitted an IELTS Opinion Essay.
✍️ Rewritten Essay (with changes + explanations)
In many parts of the world, particularly in developing countries, owning a home is considered more important than renting. This mindset is often rooted in cultural values, financial security, and social status.
One major reason people prefer to own rather than rent is the sense of long-term stability. When individuals own a property, they do not need to worry about rent increases or being asked to leave. For families, especially those with children, homeownership can provide a sense of permanence and security. In addition, owning a house is often seen as a wise investment. Over time, property values may increase, allowing the owner to build substantial wealth, unlike renting, which offers no financial return. Social perception also plays a role; in many cultures, owning a home is a symbol of success and maturity.
Change: “over time, property values may increase, allowing the owner to build wealth, unlike rent, which offers no return.” changed to “over time, property values may increase, allowing the owner to build substantial wealth, unlike renting, which offers no financial return.” Explanation: Here, “substantial” was added to better quantify the potential wealth gain, enhancing the precision. “rent” was changed to “renting” to clarify the context of ongoing payments over time, and “financial” was added to specify the type of return expected.
While the desire to own property is understandable, it can also have drawbacks. In some cases, people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house. This can lead to stress or financial instability, especially if economic conditions change or interest rates rise. Furthermore, a strong focus on ownership may discourage mobility, making it harder for people to relocate for better job opportunities.
Change: “better jobs or opportunities” changed to “better job opportunities” Explanation: Combining “jobs” and “opportunities” into “job opportunities” provides a more concise phrasing without changing the meaning.
In conclusion, although owning a home brings many advantages, the pressure to do so can also create challenges. Whether it is positive or negative depends on the individual’s financial situation and priorities. Ideally, people should have the freedom to choose what suits their life best without social or economic pressure.
🔍 Common Grammar Issues
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Quantifiers | Over time, property values may increase, allowing the owner to build wealth, unlike rent, which offers no return. | Over time, property values may increase, allowing owners to build wealth, unlike rent, which offers no return. | “The owner” should be changed to the plural “owners” to agree with the general subject implied throughout the essay, matching the generalization (“people,” “individuals”) made previously. | Consistent misuse of quantifiers or pronouns/confusing singular and plural forms can make ideas unclear and limit range and accuracy, impacting the Grammatical Range and Accuracy band score (potential Band 6 or below if repeated). |
| Articles | When individuals own a property, they do not need to worry about rent increases or being asked to leave. | When individuals own property, they do not need to worry about rent increases or being asked to leave. | The phrase “own property” is used in a general sense and does not require the indefinite article “a” before “property.” | Frequent article errors can lower clarity and are typical of Band 6 or below for Grammatical Range and Accuracy. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | One major reason people prefer to own rather than rent is the sense of long-term stability. | One major reason people prefer owning rather than renting is the sense of long-term stability. | Parallel structure should be applied for clarity; using “owning” and “renting” ensures both are in the same gerund form. | Frequent issues with parallel structure can reduce coherence and are flagged in Band 6 or below. |
| Pronoun Reference | Whether it is positive or negative depends on the individual’s financial situation and priorities. | Whether this is positive or negative depends on an individual’s financial situation and priorities. | Changing “it” to “this” clarifies the reference to the previously mentioned situation, and using “an individual’s” is more formal and general. | Ambiguous pronoun references may confuse the reader, weakening cohesion and possibly reducing the score to Band 6. |
💬 Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| “unlike rent, which offers no return” | “whereas renting does not provide any financial return” | This rephrasing is slightly more formal and clear, avoiding the impersonal use of “rent” as an abstract noun, which can sound somewhat informal in this context. |
| “people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house” | “individuals may incur significant debt or sacrifice other financial priorities in order to purchase a house” | “People” is less formal than “individuals,” and “incur” is a more precise academic term than “take on.” Changing “just to” to “in order to” is more formal and suitable for IELTS writing. |
| “the pressure to do so” | “the societal pressure to do so” | Specifying “societal pressure” clarifies the source, maintaining a more formal and precise tone. |
| “the individual’s financial situation and priorities” | “an individual’s financial situation and priorities” | Using “an individual’s” is more appropriate for general statements and avoids the incorrect singular reference in this context. |
🔠 Spelling Corrections
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| homeownership | home ownership | Should be two words in standard UK spelling (IELTS prefers British English); ‘homeownership’ is more common in US English. |
| relocate | re-locate | In British English, the hyphenated form ‘re-locate’ is sometimes preferred, though ‘relocate’ is also accepted; using ‘re-locate’ avoids confusion and aligns with UK conventions. |
| individual’s | individuals’ | Apostrophe placement error; context requires plural possessive (‘individuals’’) since it refers to people in general, not one person. |
📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 3
- Compound Sentences: 2
- Complex Sentences: 10
- Conditionals: 1
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 0
Summary: The essay primarily uses complex sentences, which is evident from their prevalence in the essay. This benefits the readability and academic tone, which are key criteria for a high IELTS band score. However, the absence of rhetorical devices and a limited variety of sentence openers could be improved. Overall, there is an overuse of complex sentence structures which could potentially make the text seem dense or cumbersome to some readers.
Tip: To increase sentence variety, consider incorporating more compound and rhetorical sentences. Additionally, integrating questions or parallel structures might enhance engagement and readability.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
In many parts of the world, particularly in developing countries, owning a home is considered more important than renting. This mindset is often rooted in cultural values, financial security, and social status.
Feedback:
– Your paraphrasing of the question is fairly accurate, but you introduce the idea of “developing countries,” which is not present in the original prompt. This adds an unnecessary limitation.
– The introduction explains some reasons for the preference, which is relevant, but it does not directly answer the second part of the question (“Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?”).
– There is no clear thesis statement giving your direct opinion about whether this situation is positive or negative. Instead, you simply mention factors that influence this mindset.
– The phrasing avoids formulaic language, which is good, but the absence of a clear thesis affects your coherence and task response.
Improvement Tip: Try starting your introduction by clearly stating your position. Avoid phrases like “this essay will discuss…” — IELTS rewards clarity and directness.
Suggested Rewrite:
In many countries, people place great importance on buying a home instead of renting, often due to cultural beliefs and the desire for security and status. While there are certainly advantages to owning a house, I believe that placing too much emphasis on home ownership can sometimes lead to negative consequences for individuals and society.
📚 Recommended Grammar Packs
Want help getting started? Follow this 3-day plan:
Day 1: Mastering Quantifiers
Review material: Understand how to use quantifiers to measure nouns. Open the Quantifiers Grammar Pack.
Task: Write 5 sentences using different quantifiers. Pay attention to context accuracy.
Tip: Use quantifiers to add variety to your writing and be specific in your examples.
Day 2: Getting the Articles Right
Review material: Learn the rules for using definite and indefinite articles effectively. Open the Articles Grammar Pack.
Task: Write 3 short paragraphs on any topic, focusing on the correct use of articles.
Tip: Articles can change the meaning of your sentences. Pay close attention to when to use ‘a’, ‘an’, and ‘the’.
Day 3: Countable vs. Uncountable Nouns
Review material: Differentiate between countable and uncountable nouns to improve writing clarity. Open the Countable/Uncountable Nouns Grammar Pack.
Task: Make a list of 10 nouns you regularly use, then categorize them into countable and uncountable. Use them in sentences.
Tip: Practice by identifying nouns in your daily reading and categorizing them correctly.
📝 Practice Based on Your Essay
A. Fix the Sentences
- In many parts of the world, particularly in developing countries, owning a home is considered more important than renting.
- Over time, property values may increase, allowing the owner to build wealth, unlike rent, which offers no return.
- In some cases, people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house.
Instructions: Rewrite each sentence with correct grammar, especially focusing on quantifiers where needed.
B. Rewrite This Paragraph
While the desire to own property is understandable, it can also have drawbacks. In some cases, people take on large debts or compromise other financial priorities just to purchase a house. This can lead to stress or financial instability, especially if economic conditions change or interest rates rise. Furthermore, a strong focus on ownership may discourage mobility, making it harder for people to relocate for better jobs or opportunities.
Instructions: Rewrite this paragraph. Make sure your grammar, structure, and clarity are at a high Band 7.5 level. Pay close attention to quantifiers and sentence variety.