Hi Nunzia, here is your full IELTS feedback
You submitted an IELTS Outweigh Essay.
✍️ Rewritten Essay (with changes + explanations)
Businesses are encouraged by the government to relocate to the countryside because of the amount of vehicles and housing issues in urban areas. So what are the main advantages? Firstly, with the relocation of businesses to the countryside, overcrowding would be reduced. If businesses move to rural areas, fewer people would have to move to the city to look for a job and housing. Furthermore, the increase in employment in the country improves the living standards of those living in these areas. The arrival of businesses creates new job opportunities, enhances local infrastructure, and encourages investment in education and healthcare. For example, when a consulting firm opens a branch in a rural area, it may attract young professionals and graduates, stimulate demand for coworking spaces and local services, and help develop local small businesses.
Change: “the relocation of business” to “the relocation of businesses”, “increase of employment” to “increase in employment”, “create” to “creates”, “enhance” to “enhances”. Explanation: Corrected article usage, countable nouns pluralization, and subject-verb agreement errors to match the subject with the verb.
On the other hand, expanding activities into the countryside could have a negative impact on the environment. The rural area might not have the right infrastructure to support certain industries. So, the construction of new office buildings, roads, and industrial facilities can lead to deforestation and increased pollution. This process can gradually erode the landscape and threaten biodiversity, overturning real rural life.
Change: “couldn’t have” to “might not have”, “increase pollution” to “increased pollution”, “erode landscape” to “erode the landscape”. Explanation: Changed the modal for a possibility and added articles where required for countable nouns.
In conclusion, while relocating businesses to rural areas may pose environmental challenges, the potential benefits like improving living standards and reducing overcrowding are significant. With careful planning and sustainable practices, in order to create the right balance between the city and countryside, I think that the advantages can outweigh the disadvantages.
Change: “relocating business” to “relocating businesses”, “By careful planning and sustainable practice” to “With careful planning and sustainable practices”, “the right balance between city and countryside” to “the right balance between the city and countryside”, “advantages can outweigh disadvantages” to “the advantages can outweigh the disadvantages”. Explanation: Corrected articles and countable nouns, modified “By” to “With” for better prepositional usage, and adjusted subject-verb agreement for plural nouns.
🔍 Common Grammar Issues
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | …because of the amount of vehicles… | …because of the number of vehicles… | “Amount” is used for uncountable nouns, while “number” should be used for countable nouns like “vehicles”. | Misusing countable/uncountable noun forms consistently may lower the grammar score to Band 6 or below. |
| Subject-Verb Agreement | The arrival of businesses create new job opportunities… | The arrival of businesses creates new job opportunities… | The subject “arrival” is singular, so the verb must be “creates”. | Repeated subject-verb agreement errors indicate a Band 6 level or below for grammatical range and accuracy. |
| Articles | The rural area couldn’t have the right infrastructure… | Rural areas may not have the right infrastructure… | Plural noun (“rural areas”) should be used because the statement refers to rural regions in general, not one specific area; also, “may not” is preferred for possibility. | Improper article or noun form use can lower the score to Band 6 if habitual. |
| Prepositions | …improve the living standards of those living in these areas. | …improve the living standards for those living in these areas. | “Standards for” is the correct collocation with “improve”; “of” is incorrect in this context. | Frequent incorrect collocations may prevent attainment of Band 7 or higher. |
| Countable/Uncountable | This process can gradually erode landscape and threaten biodiversity… | This process can gradually erode the landscape and threaten biodiversity… | “Landscape” used in this sense should be preceded by “the” to refer to a specific/collective concept. | Incorrect use of uncountable nouns may lower the grammar band if frequent. |
💬 Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| So, the construction of new office buildings, roads and industrial facilities can lead to deforestation and increase pollution. | Therefore, the construction of new office buildings, roads, and industrial facilities can lead to deforestation and increase pollution. | “Therefore” is more formal than “So” and fits better in formal IELTS writing. |
| This process can gradually erode landscape and threaten biodiversity, overturning real rural life. | This process can gradually erode the landscape and threaten biodiversity, potentially disrupting traditional rural life. | Adding “the” before “landscape” is grammatically correct. “Overturning real rural life” is unclear and informal; “potentially disrupting traditional rural life” is clearer and maintains a more formal tone. |
| By careful planning and sustainable practice, in order to create the right balance between city and countryside, I think that advantages can outweigh disadvantages. | With careful planning and sustainable practices to create the right balance between cities and the countryside, the advantages can outweigh the disadvantages. | This revision removes the informal and redundant “I think that” and provides syntactic clarity, making the conclusion more concise and formal. |
| The arrival of businesses create new job opportunities, enhance local infrastructure and encourage investment in education and healthcare. | The arrival of businesses creates new job opportunities, enhances local infrastructure, and encourages investment in education and healthcare. | Subject-verb agreement (“creates”, “enhances”, “encourages”) is necessary for formal accuracy. |
| The rural area couldn’t have the right infrastructure to support certain industries. | Rural areas may not have the appropriate infrastructure to support certain industries. | This version is more formally worded and avoids the informal “couldn’t have” construction. |
🔠 Spelling Corrections
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| create | creates | Subject-verb agreement error—should be “creates” to match “The arrival of businesses”. |
| landscape | the landscape | Missing article; “erode the landscape” is correct. (Not a spelling error, but it affects word form. |
| practice | practices | Should be plural (“sustainable practices”) to agree with “By careful planning and… |
| advantages can outweigh disadvantages | the advantages can outweigh the disadvantages | Missing definite articles (“the”); proper use is required for clarity and correctness. |
📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 4
- Compound Sentences: 3
- Complex Sentences: 8
- Conditionals: 1
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 1
Summary: The essay demonstrates a decent attempt to vary sentence structures, with a notable presence of complex sentences, which is appropriate for an IELTS Band Score of around 5.5. However, the overuse of complex sentences and underuse of compound and conditional structures could lead to readability issues or hinder coherence slightly. The essay opens with a rhetorical question, which is a good stylistic choice, but it lacks further rhetorical devices that might enhance the engagement or clarity of the argumentation.
Tip: To improve the sentence variety and readability, consider incorporating more compound sentences to connect ideas smoothly. Also, try using more conditional sentences when discussing hypothetical scenarios or outcomes to enhance the argument’s depth and clarity.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
Businesses are encouraged by the government to relocate to the countryside, because of the amount of vehicles and housing issues in urban areas.
So what are the main advantages? Firstly, with the relocation of business to the countryside, the overcrowding would be reduced. If businesses move to rural areas, fewer people would have to move to the city to look for a job and housing. Furthermore, the increase of employment in the country improves the living standards of those living in these areas. The arrival of businesses create new job opportunities, enhance local infrastructure and encourage investment in education and healthcare. For example when a consulting firm opens a branch in a rural area, it may attract young professionals and graduates, stimulate demand for coworking spaces and local services and help develop local small businesses.
Feedback:
– The paraphrasing closely follows the question but is sometimes awkward and repetitive (“because of the amount of vehicles and housing issues”), so it could sound more natural.
– There is no clear thesis statement in the introduction that answers the question, “Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?” The introduction jumps straight into discussing advantages without stating your opinion.
– The question specifically asks for your opinion on whether advantages outweigh disadvantages, but this is not addressed in the opening. Instead, the intro moves into body paragraph content, which should be avoided.
– Formulaic and list-like approach (“So what are the main advantages? Firstly,…”) detracts from formal academic style.
Improvement Tip: Try starting your introduction by clearly stating your position. Avoid phrases like “this essay will discuss…” — IELTS rewards clarity and directness.
Suggested Rewrite:
In response to rising traffic congestion and housing shortages in cities, governments are encouraging companies to relocate to rural areas. While this policy could lead to some environmental challenges in the countryside, I believe the advantages, such as enhancing rural employment opportunities and easing urban overcrowding, far outweigh the disadvantages.
📚 Recommended Writing Skill Boosters
- Articles — Open Pack
- Countable/Uncountable Nouns — Open Pack
- Quantifiers — Open Pack
- Prepositions — Open Pack
Want help getting started? Follow this 3-day plan:
Day 1: Mastering Articles
Review Material: Start with the Articles Pack to understand the correct use of definite and indefinite articles.
Task: Write 5 sentences that use both ‘a’ and ‘the’ correctly.
Tip: Remember that ‘the’ is used for specific items, while ‘a’ and ‘an’ are for general items.