Hi Jack, here is your full IELTS feedback
You submitted an Opinion essay.
✍️ Rewritten Essay (with changes + explanations)
In the modern world, art is becoming more and more important in the daily lives of people. Some believe that it is the government’s responsibility to support artists financially, while others say that money should come from private sponsors or even the artists themselves. This essay will discuss both sides before giving my opinion.
Change: “the daily lives” instead of “daily lives”, “the government” instead of “goverment”, “financially” instead of “financialy”. Explanation: Added the definite article ‘the’ for specificity, corrected the spelling of “government,” and used the correct form of the word “financially.”
On one hand, people think governments should fund artists because art is part of the culture and identity of the nation. If the government does not provide support, many talented individuals might not be able to continue creating. For example, in many countries, artists struggle to make enough money, and they end up working in jobs that are not related to their passion. This is bad for society because art can inspire people and promote critical thinking.
Change: “the government” instead of “goverment”, “individuals” instead of “people”, added commas correctly. Explanation: Corrected the spelling of “government,” used the word “individuals” for variation and specificity, and added a comma after “countries” for improved punctuation.
On the other hand, some people argue that governments have more urgent priorities like education, healthcare, and infrastructure. They think it is not fair to use taxpayers’ money to support painters or musicians when many basic needs are not fulfilled. Also, some art is very subjective and may not be appreciated by the public, so they think it’s better for private companies or individuals who are interested to support it.
Change: Added commas in lists, corrected “taxpayer’s” to “taxpayers’,” “it’s” instead of “its”. Explanation: Added commas to separate items in a list, changed “taxpayer’s” to the plural possessive form, and corrected the contraction “it’s” for clarity.
In conclusion, while it is understandable that governments have many responsibilities, I think they should still provide some support to artists. However, the private sector can also play a role. In my opinion, a mix of both public and private funding is the best solution.
Change: “responsibilities” instead of “responsabilities”, “the private sector” instead of “private sector”. Explanation: Corrected the spelling of “responsibilities,” and used the definite article “the” for specificity with “private sector.”
🔍 Common Grammar Issues
| Error Type | Original | Corrected | Explanation | IELTS Impact |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Articles | in daily lives | in the daily lives | The definite article “the” is needed before “daily lives” to specify the lives of the people being referred to in the essay. | Frequent article mistakes can affect coherence and accuracy, possibly limiting the essay to Band 5 or 6. |
| Spelling | goverment responsibility | government responsibility | The correct spelling is “government”; ensuring correct spelling helps in maintaining clarity and understanding. | Repeated spelling errors may lower the essay’s lexical resource score, potentially reducing scores to Band 5 or 6. |
| Word Form | support artists financialy | support artists financially | The adverb form “financially” is needed to describe how the support is given; “financialy” with a single ‘l’ is misspelled. | Incorrect word forms can affect lexical resource and grammar scores, impacting Band 5 or 6. |
| Articles | its better for private companies | it’s better for private companies | The contraction “it’s” should be used instead of “its” to mean “it is”, clarifying the sentence meaning. | Misusing “it’s” and “its” can harm coherence and coherence scores, affecting Bands 5 or 6. |
| Spelling | responsabilities | responsibilities | Correct spelling of “responsibilities” is needed, as it ensures clarity and professional tone. | Frequent spelling mistakes might lead to lower lexical resource scores, possibly around Bands 5 or 6. |
💬 Vocabulary & Tone Feedback
| Original Phrase | Better Alternative | Why This Works Better |
|---|---|---|
| “it is goverment responsibility” | “it is the government’s responsibility” | Adds correct possessive form and article for grammatical accuracy. |
| “artists financialy” | “artists financially” | Corrects spelling mistake for formal accuracy. |
| “goverment does not give money” | “government does not provide funding” | “Provide funding” is more formal than “give money.” |
| “jobs that are not related to their passion” | “jobs unrelated to their passion” | Simplifies phrasing for clarity and conciseness. |
| “this is bad for the society” | “this negatively impacts society” | More formal and precise language. |
| “its better” | “it is better” | Avoids informal contraction for a formal tone. |
| “goverments have many responsabilities” | “governments have many responsibilities” | Corrects spelling mistakes for formal writing accuracy. |
🔠 Spelling Corrections
| Misspelled Word | Corrected | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| goverment | government | Typo: Incorrect spelling of “government.” |
| financialy | financially | Typo: Incorrect spelling of “financially.” |
| goverments | governments | Typo: Incorrect plural form of “government.” |
| resonsabilities | responsibilities | Typo: Incorrect spelling of “responsibilities.” |
📐 Sentence Structure Feedback
- Simple Sentences: 3
- Compound Sentences: 3
- Complex Sentences: 6
- Conditionals: 1
- Rhetorical/Stylistic: 1
Summary: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, with a strong use of complex sentences to link ideas and examples. However, there is a slight over-reliance on complex sentences which could be balanced with greater use of simple and compound sentences. The essay does show attempts to vary sentence openers and includes a rhetorical question.
Tip: To increase sentence variety, try incorporating more rhetorical questions to engage readers or using conditional sentences to explore different scenarios. This can help you achieve a cohesive and engaging style at a Band 7 level.
🎯 Thesis & Introduction Feedback
Your Introduction:
In the modern world, art is becoming more and more important in daily lives of people. Some believe that it is goverment responsibility to support artists financialy, while others say that money should come from private sponsors or even the artists themselves. This essay will discuss both sides before giving my opinion.
Feedback:
– The paraphrasing lacks accuracy; for instance, there is a misspelling of “government” and “financially.”
– The thesis is vague because it uses the formulaic phrase “This essay will discuss both sides before giving my opinion,” which doesn’t provide a direct stance.
– There’s a missing clear statement of opinion in the introduction.
Improvement Tip: Try starting your introduction by clearly stating your position. Avoid phrases like “this essay will discuss…” — IELTS rewards clarity and directness.
Suggested Rewrite:
Art plays an increasingly vital role in the everyday lives of many, and there is ongoing debate about whether artists should receive financial backing from governments or alternative sources. While some believe it is the state’s duty to support artists as part of cultural identity, others argue that private sponsorship is more appropriate. In this essay, I will explore both perspectives and argue that a combination of public and private funding is the most effective approach.
📚 Recommended Grammar Packs
- Articles — Open Pack
- Modals — Open Pack
- Countable/Uncountable Nouns — Open Pack
- Pronouns and Referencing — Open Pack
- Punctuation — Open Pack
Want help getting started? Follow this 3-day plan:
Day 1: Articles
Review material: Understand the correct use of definite, indefinite, and zero articles. Explore their function in singular and plural contexts. Read the pack.
Task: Write 5 sentences using different articles appropriately.
Tip: Remember, use “the” for specific items and “a/an” for general ones or when mentioning something for the first time.
Day 2: Modals
Review material: